Who Am I?
Bear with me.
I jumped into a crit a week or so ago and was shelled on the first prime lap, then lapped a couple times by the lead group. I knew the prime was coming, and jumped with the hope of doing something. When I hit the wind, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I sat up and let them blow by. I probably could have held on and stuck with them until the race split, then hung onto the second group, hiding in the draft and being a douche. Instead, I sat up and waited until I could latch on and catch a free ride. for a while. When the last lap came, I sat up and let them go again. No need to mess with their race. I was Dead. Fucking. Last.
I knew it was going to happen. I'm 25 pounds heavier and my FTP is 25 watts lower. Race shape? Not even close. These guys have been putting in the miles and taking care of themselves, and I have been skipping workouts/rides in favor of the fork.
Faced with that hard reality, I really buckled down and skipped riding the next couple days, despite beautiful weather.
I started to question myself. Had I burnt myself out on the whole bike thing? Not riding leads to a spiral of negativity because I'm deprived of my endorphin fix. I don't feel good about myself, and make matters worse by eating and pretty much getting nothing done.
Eventually the bike called, and I swung a leg over the top tube and did a four hour ride around the Anchorage Hillside. It felt nice. The next day I did a two hour ride, and it felt better. The third day my legs fell off and I didn't ride. I forgot to pace myself and build up to the volume. I'm not the same rider I once was.
Slowly, in a jerky, stop-start way, I'm finding my way back. The last few years haven't been easy on me as a rider, and I'm redefining my relationship with the bike. A five hour ride showed me that endurance cycling is still not my thing, so I'll probably not be fitting panniers on the Moots and changing my kit to all wool just yet. I'd like to get back in some sort of race shape, even if my schedule aligns perfectly for me to miss every good race on the calendar. After all, I'm still me. There's just simultaneously more and less of me at the moment.
I'll get there. Or I won't, and I'll go somewhere else. I like seeing what's just around the next corner.
I jumped into a crit a week or so ago and was shelled on the first prime lap, then lapped a couple times by the lead group. I knew the prime was coming, and jumped with the hope of doing something. When I hit the wind, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I sat up and let them blow by. I probably could have held on and stuck with them until the race split, then hung onto the second group, hiding in the draft and being a douche. Instead, I sat up and waited until I could latch on and catch a free ride. for a while. When the last lap came, I sat up and let them go again. No need to mess with their race. I was Dead. Fucking. Last.
I knew it was going to happen. I'm 25 pounds heavier and my FTP is 25 watts lower. Race shape? Not even close. These guys have been putting in the miles and taking care of themselves, and I have been skipping workouts/rides in favor of the fork.
Faced with that hard reality, I really buckled down and skipped riding the next couple days, despite beautiful weather.
I started to question myself. Had I burnt myself out on the whole bike thing? Not riding leads to a spiral of negativity because I'm deprived of my endorphin fix. I don't feel good about myself, and make matters worse by eating and pretty much getting nothing done.
Eventually the bike called, and I swung a leg over the top tube and did a four hour ride around the Anchorage Hillside. It felt nice. The next day I did a two hour ride, and it felt better. The third day my legs fell off and I didn't ride. I forgot to pace myself and build up to the volume. I'm not the same rider I once was.
Slowly, in a jerky, stop-start way, I'm finding my way back. The last few years haven't been easy on me as a rider, and I'm redefining my relationship with the bike. A five hour ride showed me that endurance cycling is still not my thing, so I'll probably not be fitting panniers on the Moots and changing my kit to all wool just yet. I'd like to get back in some sort of race shape, even if my schedule aligns perfectly for me to miss every good race on the calendar. After all, I'm still me. There's just simultaneously more and less of me at the moment.
I'll get there. Or I won't, and I'll go somewhere else. I like seeing what's just around the next corner.
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