What I Expected, But Not What I Wanted

I knew I wasn't going to do well in the time trial, but I entered it anyway. As I got to the bottom of my antibiotics bottle, I knew it was time to start pushing myself again. I wasn't expecting much, after weeks of putting around at a mid-range pace. I didn't get a lot.
 
The night before I took the TT bike down. Bugs and dirt were still encrusted on it from the last time I rode it, during last year's disappointing Tour of Anchorage. I just wasn't enthusiastic about cleaning it up. I usually get hyper-excited in the weeks leading up to a new race season, but this year I am off my usual pace in more ways than one. So I took the bike outside and gave it a half-hearted scrub, so at least I wouldn't catch any diseases from it during the race. I packed up the car with a random assortment of race day goodies I usually don't need, plus a road bike in case I wanted to do a little extra riding while I was down there.
 
The weather was nice enough on race day, if a bit chilly. When I was riding the course on the road bike to check conditions, I was flying with the tailwind. A minimal amount of power was all that was required to go 22 MPH. When I turned around, all of that changed and it wasn't so fun anymore.
 
I switched over to the TT bike and lined up for the race, knowing that I was shooting blanks. Out of the start I was already topped out on my gearing, spinning 90 RPM easily and making good time. I was intentionally not pushing myself to save something for the return trip. When I rounded the cone and faced the headwind, I tried to see what was in the tank. Turns out I was at about 80% power or less. I just tried to stay steady and finish it.
 
I try to tell myself that it really doesn't mean much, that later races will provide a better indication of my fitness. That the sickness that has ruled my life for the last few weeks affected the race far more than any other factor. Still, it's a blow to the ego to finish that far off. I usually start the season raging right out of the start, before crumpling to a heap in July. This season may be a little different.
 
We'll see how it goes when I finally get to race again.

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