Lovely Lady Lumps

I got my custom order of team cycling kit in from Starlight Apparel. It was a little too late for the Tour of Anchorage, but I wasn't expecting it given when I finalized and paid for my order. Compared to a lot of kit companies, the turnaround was screaming fast.
 
I sorted the order, marked the ones for teammates, and set the rest aside for myself. Then I started trying on the pieces I ordered. Overall, I'm pretty darn impressed. There were some differences from the Sugoi kit, despite being generated from the same design template.
 
The colors on the Starlight kit are more vibrant. The orange is less Dreamsicle and more traffic cone, which seems to hold an attraction for me.There were a few minor differences in design here or there that I can chalk up to my inattention during the proofing process, but my wife likes them so I guess it's fortunate that I'm such a screw-up. The kit just pops. We'll see if my teammates agree.
 
The fit is... um... Euro. Definitely more so that Sugoi, but not excessively so. Definitely more race-oriented, although they do have a looser cut as well. The material on these mid-line jerseys is less vented and more durable than the Sugoi jerseys, which is perfect for Alaskan riders. I think I'm going to like them as race jerseys.
 
The last piece I tried on was the long-sleeve skinsuit. I've been wanting one for a while, and gazing at myself in the mirror, I began to question why. Some people look "good" in a skinsuit, or at least as "not bad" as possible in a lycra adult onesie. I'm not one of those people. I can count the cellulite dimples on my fat rolls through the fabric. I'd say I look like an overstuffed sausage, but that would be a disservice to Jimmy Dean and his fine meat-in-tube-form products. I kinda look like Walter Matthau in a Borat mankini.
 
Come race day, it will be intimidating. Or repugnant. As long as I get the intended effect, I don't care.
 
Just like wearing bike shorts in public, I'll eventually get used to the idea and accept the looks of abject horror on the faces of those around me. I might even be able to ignore them or misinterpret the looks as jealousy.
 
I might even use this as motivation to lose the extra 40lbs or so I'm carrying around.
 
I wouldn't count on it, though, since my sense of shame is less developed than my laziness.

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