Alaskan Pack Fodder

Pessimism is my default.    When things are going well, I expect everything to fall apart. When things are going badly, I expect them to get worse. With that sort of mentality, it's only a matter of time until I'm proven right. Every. Single. Time.    Right now things are on the upswing. I'm completing my workouts as planned and don't dread getting on the bike or feel absolutely wrecked afterwards. In fact, I feel pretty good. Fat, but otherwise good.    It's all relative. I'm not hitting the numbers like I was a few years ago. Part of that is I'm getting older, but a lot of it is I can't stick with any real structure. Intervals and the like aren't part of my days anymore, because I just don't have the motivation or discipline to make it happen. These days I'm happy if I can grunt out a mediocre effort for 15 minutes before I have to ease off. I realize my lack of structured training and my ability to hammer awy like I used to are direc...

After my annual peak at absolutely the wrong time, my wheels came off. I tried to manage it, with limited success, but I was left with little motivation and legs that couldn't turn over the pedals. It's been a rebuilding process.    Little by little, week by week, I've been trying to make incremental progress. My abandonment of freemium iPhone games and Facebook pruning have been parts of that effort. Anything to create that compulsion to get on the bike and grind out a workout.    Problem is, I don't have any concrete goals. Sure, I'd like to weigh less or improve my FTP, but those sort of things never really inspired me. They were more of a means to an end. Now that I don't race regularly, my inspiration (not getting dropped) isn't as strong. I have to find something that nudges me towards that vaguely resembles fitness.     Until I figure that out, I'll just keep chugging. For me, keeping moving usually helps me sort out my life.  B...

So far, I haven't really missed the games on my phone I deleted. Having that self-imposed obligation hanging over my head just wasn't a productive or positive thing in my life. Yet, I still get on my phone first thing every morning. The direct descendent of the cell phone I didn't want but was forced to acquire once pay phones went the way of the dinosaur.    I know I spend too much time on the phone in the morning and at night. Since I can't use it during the work day, my abuse is tempered somewhat, but it still robs me of far too much free time and delays other, more productive activities.    Every morning I check my email. Fine, that's usually a quick deal, because it's mostly bills and ads for sales I rarely get anything from. Straight to the trash and deleted from there. Then I check eBay, because, bikes. I'll run through a handful of searches to see what's new. Occasionally something catches my eye, but for the most part it's more about...

I kinda got out of the habit of writing again- not that anyone was reading.    I was just a bit worn out and unmotivated. They seem to have a lot to do with each other. Instead of doing positive things like sleeping and riding my bike, I find less productive things like games on my iPhone to waste my time.    It used to be they were fun, but now they're more of an obligation. A compulsion. An itch that must be scratched before I could move on to other things. In a lot of ways, it was like decades ago when I used to smoke. At a certain point, it wasn't enjoyable anymore and the act became something I had to do rather than something I wanted to do. Today I quit. Just like with smoking, it was cold turkey and with immediate effect. I simply deleted them off my phone. Sure, I could just reload them, but I'm too lazy for that. I'm probably going to have withdrawals for a little while, but I'll get over them and be better off for it.    Maybe now I can ge...