Putting Some Of It On The Table.

I would say "putting it all on the table", but I don't really have that mindset anymore.
  
That is to say, I used to bury myself on the trainer, to the point that walking a few feet became an area of concern. It was one of... no wait, scratch that... my only real strength. I don't really have a true athlete's capacity or mentality. I know enough of them to realize this. I'm pretty average, which makes me better than 95% of the population. Think about that, and then reflect on how sad it is. All of that potential (and not just athletic), wasted. What I did once have is a pig-headed determination and competitiveness, fueled mostly by self-delusion.
  
Well, you have to play the cards you're given.
  
These days I see consequences that I ignored before. Fall in a crit? You may not be able to work and support your family. Stomp out an eye-bleeding workout? You may not be able to ride gain for a few days.
  
I liked it better when I was ignorant.
  
Still, as I come to the end of this hitch, I'm ramping up duration and intensity. I know I will have to pack up everything the night before after my workout, so I can clean my room and get ready for the plane the next day. I know there's a strong chance the plane won't come because of the weather, and I'll be stuck here another day or so. I know I probably won't set up my bike again (because I would have to immediately tear it down- an hour-long process), which means there could be up to a week of me not riding. All of that progress in getting the Training Peaks squiggly lines to trend upward a bit, wasted.
  
So, I've gotten in the habit of ramping it up at the end to offset the losses a bit. I schedule it so my rest days fall on travel days, so a couple days off the bike aren't the end of the world. Very likely, they do me some good.
  
Still, I'm not crushing it. I can still walk up stairs afterwards, even if I'm a bit more sore than usual. I'm not hitting much in the way of PRs, because I still have to work. The bike isn't my number one focus, which is saying a lot for a self-centered person like me. It's something I love, and something I do, but it's not the center of my existence.
  
I'm ready to go home. I'm going to leave as much on the table as I dare, and then pack up the bike for the flight home. If I lose a little fitness, I can deal with it on my next hitch... and the one after that.
  
Right now all I want to do is curl up with my wife and my dogs. Not the single-minded bike racer I once was, but I'm still cranking it out. 

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