Convergence.

Maybe I'm just burnt out.
  
Maybe it's a result of the falls.
  
Maybe this thing has run its course and I need to look at other things.
  
Maybe it's the pressures of life.
 
Or maybe, just maybe, it's this weather. Or rather, it's what I somewhat unrealistically expect this weather to be this time of year.
  
Maybe it's all of that stacking up on each other. 
 
Probably.
  
Doesn't change the fact that I'm not all fired up to train and race this season. The first race of the year, which I was signed up for, was cancelled. The second race I didn't do, but it was a hill climb, so there's nothing unusual about that. The third, a Kulis crit, I skipped because my wife was out of town and I had to watch the kids. I'm not really broken up about any of this. It's very likely that I will skip the spring stage race as well, or at least the vast majority of it.
  
I've always enjoyed the Spring Stage Race, because even if I bled time to the skinny guys on the hill climb, I could always make up ground on the flat stages because it was scored on points instead of raw time. However, I just don't have the miles in my legs this time around. Because of all of the factors listed above, a 90 minute ride averaging an endurance pace is about the extent of what I've been able to accomplish.
 
Every rider goes through highs and lows. I thought injury was my low, but I think this is actually worse. With the injury, I had a very plain excuse for not riding or otherwise losing fitness. Now? I really have nothing specific to point at, just a bunch of vague things that are occurring at this given moment.
 
I rode the trainer this morning, which went a little better than yesterday. Still not what I'd consider a "good" workout, but it was what I had to give. When my son and I got out to the car, it was 40F and drizzling. I certainly could have ridden in that weather. I have many times before. The rain gear and fenders and all that crap is already pre-positioned for just such a day. However, I don't think I would have really enjoyed it. I doubt I would have gotten the same training benefit from slogging around in the cold wind and rain as I did on the trainer.
 
I'd much rather be on the road, but life has conspired to prevent it. As much as I want to bend the universe to suit my own purposes, I have to realize that doing so is pretty much impossible and at any rate the attempt is exhausting. Being a bit run down at the moment, I think I'll just do my thing on the trainer in the morning and take a nap after work.
 
Fuck, I'm old.
 
Maybe that's another one piling on.

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