Good Habits.

It's one thing to resolve to be a better person. It's quite another to actually be a better peson.

Better is relative, of course. Better than what?

When you're the social equivalent of Ebola, the bar isn't set very high. I could certainly do the bare minimum, but that wouldn't result in the transformation I'm looking for. I need the kind of change you see on home renovation shows where they strip a house back to the timbers and re-imagine it as something with an open floor plan and the like. Take a sledgehammer to the drywall and see how much asbestos is hidden back there.

If I want these changes to stick, I need to make them achievable and sustainable. Little things repeated like a mantra until they become automatic. It's really no different than making a cycling training plan, except this one actually matters. Do the work until it isn't work anymore, until you actually feel "wrong" for not doing it.

I'm not sure, at age 50, that such change is possible. I could be destined to remain a miserable bastard. Then again, on TV they fix up old crack houses into really nice meth labs all of the time, so there is hope. Cover the blood stains with paint and the chalk outline with some laminate flooring. Do something about that SuperFund site in the back yard. Gotta pass inspection, after all.

It's a shame such revelations often come when you're old and less bendy than you once were. Better late than never, I guess.

This morning, like most mornings, I rode my bike. I've shifted solely to the trainer, since recent snowfall and cooler nights have made the roads somewhat slippery. As I rode, I realized that what I'm riding for is not race results or some ill-defined form of "fitness". It is to be healthy and endophin-moderated, so I can react to life's injustices with a reasoned approach and properly evaluate how they impact what's truly important. If I pin on a number again, it will be nice. I still like racing when I have the required fitness. However, I like some other things even more.

That's the new me I'm shooting for.