Workin' On It.

I’m back in Anchorage now. Within a few hours of landing, I got hit with an announcement that kinda turned my world upside down. I’m still processing it and what it may or may not mean for my future. For an idiot with a blog, I’m not huge on sharing intimate details of my life that don’t involve saddle sores, so let’s just leave it at that. 

Why bring it up only to refuse to provide all of the juicy details? Well, let’s just assume any lapses in posting are probably related to the current situation.

As I have aged, my self-perception of superiority has been replaced with the acknowledgment that at my core I’m a deeply flawed human being. No matter how well I do something, someone else does it better.  Often I can do better, but don’t. I’m self-destructively egocentric, which sabotages effective prioritization of the elements of my life. I’m pretty much the stereotypical mediocre recreational roadie. 

So, my guts are knotted up and the future is a great unknown. In this regard I am in good company during the pandemic. I have always stumbled my way through life and things have worked out. I can only hope I land on my feet on the other side. 

Floundering and confused, I just decided to work on me. Do better. Be a better person. Help my kids (especially my youngest) navigate the frustrating world of online learning. Cook dinner instead of ordering out. Clean a little. Exercise. Take some vitamin D. You know, stuff normal humans do. This is in the span of my control.

I come back from remote sites and realize life has continued even in my absence. I hadn't considered the possibility. Detached and playing catch-up, I don't always know where I fit in with the living, and am hesitant to interrupt the rhythms of their lives. Of course, that just means I'm not doing my fair share.

I have great plans to make everything work out. I also have great training plans that will eventually make me a UCI Road World Champion. Go big or go home. With the 'Rona decimating the pro peloton, I may be all that's left and get it by default.

While the latter plan may not pan out, the first is an all-in proposition for me.

Go big or go home.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Luke Simpson

Image
A couple years ago I participated in a stage race and had the honor to meet Saul Raisin, the former professional cyclist that suffered a debilitating traumatic brain injury during a race in Europe. As I listened to him speak and later read his book about his recovery, I (probably like most people) had two thoughts:                 “What an inspiring story.” …and more callously,                 “Wow, sucked to be him.” The second thought was just a result of thinking it would never happen to me. If you run the odds, it just doesn’t factor into the threat matrix as prominently as teenage girls with cell phones or that sketchy Cat 5 on the brand-new Madone. Then I got my bell rung. I’ve seen my share of stars and cartoon tweety birds over the years, but this was the first time I was knocked unconscious and woke up in an ER. Another driver’s moment of inattention resulted in a totaled car and weeks of disorientation, speech delays, and random face plants. It didn’t occu
Read more

Narrowed Focus

OK, here's the fun part.   You're clinging to the wheel in front of you. Doing everything to stay in contact, because you know in the deepest parts of your soul that if a gap opens, you will never close it, and you will be adrift. That few inches of space is your whole purpose in life.   People wait their whole lives to see the scenery on either side of you, but you're too busy focusing on meaningless points up the road. You're hoping that by acknowledging them that they will somehow help you climb this hill. They don't, because they're inanimate objects like signposts and rocks. Selfish bastards.   You match cadence with the guy in front of you, promising yourself that every time their right foot comes down, your right foot will come down. That you won't stand unless they stand. That you will be every bit as strong as they are, even if you aren't.   The steady ache in your thighs keeps building. You know all you have to do to make it stop is to
Read more

Perhaps Where I need to Be.

  The last time I was in Biloxi was in November of 2016. I was recovering from a broken collar bone, but otherwise was relatively fit, lean, and getting fitter and leaner. Because I had nothing else to do and energy to burn, I rode a lot. It was wasted effort that translated into burnout during the trainer season, but I really didn't care. I hadn't been riding at all. A handful of road rides before the season ended. A couple fat bike rides when the trails near my house were packed well. Mostly I've hiked, cross-country skied, and sat on my fat ass. Primarily the latter. I knew I was going to be spending the month of February in Biloxi. I swore I was going to get back on the trainer in preparation, but I never did. I came in cold. I packed all sorts of warmers and raingear and stuff that I have yet to use.I forgot all sorts of tools. My tires were excessively worn and my tubes weren't in great shape either. I ended up buying new ones after a horrible first ride led to 4
Read more