Workin' On It.

I’m back in Anchorage now. Within a few hours of landing, I got hit with an announcement that kinda turned my world upside down. I’m still processing it and what it may or may not mean for my future. For an idiot with a blog, I’m not huge on sharing intimate details of my life that don’t involve saddle sores, so let’s just leave it at that. 

Why bring it up only to refuse to provide all of the juicy details? Well, let’s just assume any lapses in posting are probably related to the current situation.

As I have aged, my self-perception of superiority has been replaced with the acknowledgment that at my core I’m a deeply flawed human being. No matter how well I do something, someone else does it better.  Often I can do better, but don’t. I’m self-destructively egocentric, which sabotages effective prioritization of the elements of my life. I’m pretty much the stereotypical mediocre recreational roadie. 

So, my guts are knotted up and the future is a great unknown. In this regard I am in good company during the pandemic. I have always stumbled my way through life and things have worked out. I can only hope I land on my feet on the other side. 

Floundering and confused, I just decided to work on me. Do better. Be a better person. Help my kids (especially my youngest) navigate the frustrating world of online learning. Cook dinner instead of ordering out. Clean a little. Exercise. Take some vitamin D. You know, stuff normal humans do. This is in the span of my control.

I come back from remote sites and realize life has continued even in my absence. I hadn't considered the possibility. Detached and playing catch-up, I don't always know where I fit in with the living, and am hesitant to interrupt the rhythms of their lives. Of course, that just means I'm not doing my fair share.

I have great plans to make everything work out. I also have great training plans that will eventually make me a UCI Road World Champion. Go big or go home. With the 'Rona decimating the pro peloton, I may be all that's left and get it by default.

While the latter plan may not pan out, the first is an all-in proposition for me.

Go big or go home.