Climb Every Mountain.

When I hit that nice, round Chronic Training Load (CTL) number on Training Peaks, I thought it was a nice place to stop. I set up my workouts to start easing off a bit, to prevent burnout. For a few days I actually stuck with the plan, and then the numbers started climbing again. Maybe it was a sprint-friendly course or a group on Zwift that drove me to push the boundaries a bit. At any rate, a new, beautiful, round number was staring me in the face and I couldn't resist.

The last week of the trip I pushed it a bit harder, and I passed the number on Friday. Then I kept going, fearing it would drop below the magic number on my next rest day (which is kinda the point of not riding). I added a little padding on Saturday and Sunday, and was rewarded with the kind of fatigue that comes extended, pointless flogging of oneself. I've never been a huge fan of stairs, but when you need a nap, 5 Hour Energy, and a pep talk to make it up a single flight of stairs, you know you've overdone it.

I'm properly cooked, and I don't think a couple of days of soft-pedaling is going to cut it this time.

Thing is, even though my body screams profanities at me every waking hour, my head is still ready to go. I take that as a good sign. 

Considering where I was fitness-wise three months ago, I'm pretty happy with how things are now. When I got back on the trainer, doing five hours a week was an onerous task. Now I double that regularly, and I've managed some decent intensity in there. Nothing compared to what I was once capable of, but certainly several pedal turns in the right direction.

I don't know what I'm going to do with this fitness. I'm hoping to back off, recover, and then start building on the foundation I have. That's the plan, but I could just as easily fizzle out somewhere in March. It doesn't take much. A mentally-draining hitch at a site, a schedule change, family commitments...

I'm not planning on racing next year simply because I don't think the vaccine is going to be widely distributed by then and socially distanced racing does not interest me. It's going to be a long, hard winter by the looks of it, and come spring I expect another surge as people tire of being cooped up. COVID scares the hell out of me, as the damage to lungs and other body parts used for riding is something I don't want to risk for an office park crit. I really haven't raced in a few years, so what's another one going to hurt?

So what is the fitness for? What is the goal? It's not as concrete as a race or event. It's just the feeling I get when I'm on some sort of form. I deal with stress better when I have an outlet to throw my frustrations at. And there's always that day in the future when we can return to some sort of "normal" and pin on numbers for real.

That's the real mountain I'm climbing. CTL is just a placeholder for now.

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