Feel The Burn.

I've ridden the trainer eight days straight, the last two being double workouts. Usually I go for six days and then take a rest day, but this week I just kept going. I had stuff to work through, stress to eliminate. I just kept cranking away every chance I got.

There is a fragile balance there. If I push it too hard, it all backfires and things spiral downwards into a very dark place. Perspective is lost and any chance of a positive outcome is lost.

Last spring I cooked myself on the trainer, so when I had the opportunity to actually ride on pavement I had no motivation. A couple of weeks of unmotivated grinding and then a handful of sporadic rides was my total for the whole summer. I got dropped every time I rode with other people. That lack of enthusiasm bled into just about everything I did.

Sure, I would rally for a project or other short-term endeavor, but it was only a momentary respite from the swirling toilet bowl I'd made of my life. It wasn't just the overtraining, although it certainly didn't help. Lacking the moderating influence of cycling in my life, I just was lost. 

It took a while to realize where I was and what I (thought I) needed to do. Part of it was getting back on the bike and rebuilding my fitness. After a few months of effort, I had gotten back to something semi-reasonable. Then I kept going, chasing numbers because I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to do. Eventually I peaked and thankfully had the sense to back off, but now I'm back to trying to edge the Training Peaks squiggly lines up without having any clear goals, only a date in the future when I will see pavement again. 

I hope when I get there I won't be too cooked to enjoy it. Again.

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