Even Air Really Pisses Me Off Right Now.
I woke up this morning extremely irritable.
I tried everything that's supposed to level me out, and the futile remedies just made me angrier. I played with my idiot phone for a while, and that likely just made me even more agitated. I stayed in bed too long, just to pile on my bad mood.
Eventually I got on my bike. I didn't have time for my planned workout, so I was in full, veins-bulging Hulk mode when I started turning the pedals. I wanted to smash, so I did.
My anger fueled my first lap on Zwift, which ended up being a 30 day personal record. I also took each of the jerseys as I went, which is extremely rare for me. The sprint jerseys? Sure, that happens often enough, but the climbing and overall jerseys don't come my way that often unless the course is completely empty. Since I don't consider a jersey "valid" until I at least hold it for a lap, the fact I had them the entire time indicated the times were fairly decent (or the other 2,000 people online were simultaneously tapering).
After that lap, I turned around and rode easier, which is to say I backed off to 20 watts more than what I usually consider a "hard" pace. I jumped for a couple other sprints, and took a couple other jerseys. I wanted to burn all of the anger out of myself, until all that was left was a charred shell that didn't have the energy to be mad anymore.
When I was done, I was still irritable.
Even with the truncated workout, I was still running way late.
I fought through rush hour traffic to drop off the kids at school on time, which did wonders for my mood. Scratch that. It just made matters worse.Then the wife called me just as I was dropping off the last kid and told me she was locked out of the house and her car (keys were in the house). I had been on the road for almost an hour at that point, so why not do the 30 minute drive back through traffic to unlock the door so she wouldn't freeze in the -2F temperatures.
I was late for work, which recently has bothered me less and less, but for some reason joined in on the fun today.
From the second I woke up, I was angry. I have no idea what the root cause was, but that mood led to absolutely nothing productive (except for some meaningless PRs and jerseys on Zwift). I believe it's related to stress, which is something I rarely have been afflicted with. Usually my forgetful nature prevents the accumulation of stress, but it's been building and surfacing in ways that I'm not especially proud of. Having not dealt with the effects of negative stress in these levels before, I'm not really equipped to handle it. Sleep seems to help. Exercise seems to help. Deep breathing seems to help. Lots of things seem to help, until they don't and I wake up not completely sure why I hate the world.
I do know one thing- historical trends indicate tomorrow will be better. Today's eruption released some of the pent-up seismic tension, and the usual controls will be more effective. Perspective will be restored and I'll be able to roll with the punches.
I can't wait until it's tomorrow.
I tried everything that's supposed to level me out, and the futile remedies just made me angrier. I played with my idiot phone for a while, and that likely just made me even more agitated. I stayed in bed too long, just to pile on my bad mood.
Eventually I got on my bike. I didn't have time for my planned workout, so I was in full, veins-bulging Hulk mode when I started turning the pedals. I wanted to smash, so I did.
My anger fueled my first lap on Zwift, which ended up being a 30 day personal record. I also took each of the jerseys as I went, which is extremely rare for me. The sprint jerseys? Sure, that happens often enough, but the climbing and overall jerseys don't come my way that often unless the course is completely empty. Since I don't consider a jersey "valid" until I at least hold it for a lap, the fact I had them the entire time indicated the times were fairly decent (or the other 2,000 people online were simultaneously tapering).
After that lap, I turned around and rode easier, which is to say I backed off to 20 watts more than what I usually consider a "hard" pace. I jumped for a couple other sprints, and took a couple other jerseys. I wanted to burn all of the anger out of myself, until all that was left was a charred shell that didn't have the energy to be mad anymore.
When I was done, I was still irritable.
Even with the truncated workout, I was still running way late.
I fought through rush hour traffic to drop off the kids at school on time, which did wonders for my mood. Scratch that. It just made matters worse.Then the wife called me just as I was dropping off the last kid and told me she was locked out of the house and her car (keys were in the house). I had been on the road for almost an hour at that point, so why not do the 30 minute drive back through traffic to unlock the door so she wouldn't freeze in the -2F temperatures.
I was late for work, which recently has bothered me less and less, but for some reason joined in on the fun today.
From the second I woke up, I was angry. I have no idea what the root cause was, but that mood led to absolutely nothing productive (except for some meaningless PRs and jerseys on Zwift). I believe it's related to stress, which is something I rarely have been afflicted with. Usually my forgetful nature prevents the accumulation of stress, but it's been building and surfacing in ways that I'm not especially proud of. Having not dealt with the effects of negative stress in these levels before, I'm not really equipped to handle it. Sleep seems to help. Exercise seems to help. Deep breathing seems to help. Lots of things seem to help, until they don't and I wake up not completely sure why I hate the world.
I do know one thing- historical trends indicate tomorrow will be better. Today's eruption released some of the pent-up seismic tension, and the usual controls will be more effective. Perspective will be restored and I'll be able to roll with the punches.
I can't wait until it's tomorrow.
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