Building Towards... Ummm...

Post injury, just after my Training Peaks squiggly lines had bottomed out to nothing, I started rebuilding. Obviously, any time you start from zero, any effort results in some gain. For a few months it was a steady climb, which eventually to taper a bit but was still moving in the right direction. An extended bout with the plague knocked me back a bit, and ever since progress has been much slower. I still haven't gotten back to the peak I was on in late December, but that doesn't bother me too much. Peaking during the trainer season and then falling apart right before the roads clear is a pattern I've followed for the last few years. Nope, I'm hovering a few notches below where I was in December, and inching up ever so slightly each week.
 
Once I'm released back onto the roads, things will pick up because I'll simply do more volume. As it warms up, the roads are swept, and my confidence increases, the ramp will tilt up again. It always does. Initially I'll take it easy, because the cold air never motivates me to push harder. Going faster only makes it colder, and my lungs don't like the one-two punch of cold and dusty air. I generally use this time to ride at a moderate pace for longer durations, rebuilding bike-handling skills while dodging debris left as the snow and ice retreats.
 
Everything is progressing more or less according to plan. By "plan", I mean my after the fact rationalizations for why things are going the way they are going at the moment. The truth is, I don't plan much of anything. "More betterer but not too betterer" seems to be as close to refined as it gets.
 
The numbers are there. While I'm not hitting the same sort of sustained power numbers I was five years ago, in some ways I'm better than I was at my "peak". Unfortunately, the number that really could provide the most bang for my buck (my weight) is nowhere near race-ready. Maybe I'll shed some on the road, or maybe I'll just like more of a stuffed sausage in my kit than I normally do. This year I'm finding a general lack of enthusiasm about doing anything about the situation. It is what it is. While I could certainly go on a diet to lose 15-20 pounds, that doesn't sound as much fun as eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I guess it's all about priorities.
 
With this lack of focus being the singular defining aspect of my training plan, I tend to wonder what exactly I'm "training" for. The best as I can come up with is that I like to ride my bikes. That's pretty much it. Winning or finishing well is a nice confidence boost that can inspire greater dedication to improvement, but at the end of the day I just want to ride my bikes. I like riding with others, especially when they lay off the brakes, but I also like riding alone. Riding is my "me time", which centers the rest of my chaotic life.
 
I guess I'm peaking for those handful of perfect days on the bike every year. I don't want to feel like my fitness kept me from enjoying them. Sometimes those "perfect" days are anything but. Sometimes they happen when I'm suffering on the wheel of my genetic betters during a rainy stage of a race nobody but us cares about. Sometimes it's a sun-baked day of warm legs and back, when I find some interesting route or new climb. When those days happen, I want to be ready.
 
I may lose. I may get a flat. However, the legs hopefully won't be the limiting factor preventing me from wringing out the most from the experience.
 
I guess that's what I'm building towards.

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