One Trick Ponies.

I have several pairs of skis. Some would say a lot of skis, but those people don't know what they're talking about.
 
Thing is, they're all variations on the same theme.
 
The skis are all narrow-waisted race-oriented or outright race-stock models. Stiff, precise, unforgiving skis that are designed to go fast around plastic poles. Some are made for big turns, some for short turns, and some for in between. Hand-built, sandwich-construction, with binding release ranges from partial ACL tear to traumatic amputation. Serious skis for serious racer types. Problem is, I don't do much racing anymore.
 
I mainly ski around with a bunch of pre-teens, looking for bumps. jumps, steeps, and other fun stuff to develop their skills on. My race-stock slaloms are often completely out of their element, and require a lot of work to manhandle around the hill. While they're more versatile than my other racing skis, they're not what I would call the right tool for the job.
 
I have several bikes. Some would say a lot of bikes, but again, they're idiots.

They are all narrow-tire road bikes with geometries that one might say are on the race-oriented side. No upright geometries for this moron with a long history of back issues. Nope, I naturally inclined to stretch myself into as low a position as I can, allowing for gut compression. No mountain bikes. No 'cross bikes. No gravel grinder bikes. Just bikes that are more or less tied to good road surfaces. Sure, I can (and have) spent some time on the dirt and gravel with them, but like the slaloms, they're the wrong tool for the job.
 
It appears I like mass quantities of the same thing. When you find something that rings your bell, stock up.
 
So, cruising eBay the other day, a couple bike frames caught my eye. By caught, I mean snagged with a grappling hook. The hoarding instinct almost overrode the avoid-bankruptcy instinct. They were really, really pretty, and I really, really wanted them, because they're so much like all of my other bikes. I knew they would fit in.
 
Then I switched gears and saw a pair of skis that didn't match the rest of my pile. They were as shapely as a Kim Kardashian selfie, but much more appealing to me (insert old man joke here). Nice, mid-fat waist for extra floatation, and a forgiving construction that doesn't scream Schnell! every time you glide off the chairlift. You can dial it back a little if you want to, but they still have enough go in them to scare the tourists.
 
I might just get them. Then I would have an excuse to start rounding out the bike arsenal with a touring bike or an endurance bike or a gravel bike or a...
 
My one trick is consumption.

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