...Or Not.

The story evolved over the phone.


It started with one child. A good kid that was getting a raw deal and just needed a stable environment. Great.
 
Then there was a younger brother that he couldn't be separated from. Another great kid. I understand. We'll carve out room somehow.
 
Then there was a toddler sister. Umm...
 
...and a five year old brother.
 
Four kids. OCS not willing to separate (again, I understand).
 
Fuck no.
 
We just can't, and my wife, as big as her heart is, agrees. There is no way adding four kids to the household would not negatively impact our own children. The strain would be too great, and we know it- especially when young kids are involved.
 
We're one of the few ICWA-compliant families (despite my honkiness) in the Anchorage area in the system. A lady I know that works at OCS tries to foist off children on me every time she sees me, but I have yet to see a good match. The safety, security, and stability of our existing children come first, so I'm not the easiest gate-keeper. If I see a potential conflict, I default to NO. The default has been the standard for some time now.
 
I know the need. I've witnessed just how bad it is for these kids. My heart, however small it may be, does exist. It tries to leap out of my ribcage every time the road goes up.
 
That heart took a real hit when we had to give up Bug. At my age, I can't afford too many shocks like that to the ticker. It's something I don't ever want to experience again.
 
When the circumstances are right for the family, maybe it will happen.
 
...or not.

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