Surround-Sound Douchebaggery

Today I bought a surround-sound system for my trainer dungeon. It has a 5 DVD changer, 6 satellite speakers, a sub-woofer, and all sorts of features I'll never use.

To put this in perspective, the upstairs TV that the whole family uses is hooked up to the stereo that I bought in 1992.

Yeah, I'm a bastard.

In my defense, I bought it at a thrift store for $50. The real selling point for me was the optical input, which I can hook up to my Alienware computer. That will allow me to listen to all of the sound effects the guys at Zwift added into the game, which will make it easier to immerse myself in the experience and forget I'm on the trainer. I'm also hoping better positioning of the speakers will allow me to reduce the overall system volume. To hear above the jet-turbine roar of my LeMond trainer, I had to turn the volume on my studio monitors to ear-bleeding levels. At 3:30 AM, the rest of the family took issue with the noise.

Yeah, I'm a bastard.

I'm going to sneak in in the garage and hide it from the wife as long as possible. If she knew, she would immediately demand a system for upstairs. I wouldn't get away with a thrift-shop find, and the resulting project would likely bankrupt any number of small nations. Better to conceal it until I can cover it with a sufficient amount of sweat and dust to match the rest of the dungeon's accouterments. By then, she won't want anything to do with it or anything resembling it.

Yeah, I'm a bastard.

Because of the rain and temperatures, I'll be on the trainer tonight. With any luck, I'll be surrounded by computer-generated bird tweets and other noises. I'll be sweating away, enjoying technology that was developed in this century. Meanwhile, the rest of the family will be huddled around the radio, listening to Little Orphan Annie.

Yeah, I'm a bastard.


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