I Don't Know Where it's Hiding.
Last Friday I did what will hopefully be my last Air Force "fitness" test.
I'm old, beat up, and weigh more than I have in almost a decade.
One of the components is a waist circumference measurement. I usually don't have any problem maxing out the score on it, but I'm the first to admit the standard is a little weak. Screw it, I didn't make the rules.
I weight 15 pounds more than I did last year when I tested. Granted, that was after riding around Mississippi, so I was lighter than normal back then. Still, I'm probably a good 10 above my usual weight this time of year. I didn't check my waist measurement beforehand, because I figured it wouldn't be absolutely horrible based on how my jeans fit. More importantly, I just didn't want to know. I have enough to regret as it is.
Last year my waist circumference was 34 inches. This year it was 33.5 inches. They used the same type of measuring tool (basically a spring-loaded tape measure) at the same point using the same testing protocol. Three separate measurements, with the tape removed and repositioned each time, each came out 33.5 inches.
How the hell is this possible?
I'm a middle aged man, and generally we carry extra weight around our midsections. Every time I gained a few pounds, that was the first place I'd notice it. The jeans would fit a little tighter, the roll at the side would be more pronounced, and then it would migrate to other parts of my body.
This time I have no idea where it's going. I know it's fat, because I'm eating far too much of all of the wrong things. Between injuries and illnesses, I'm not doing massive amounts of exercising. The weight is going up, but the waist isn't going out.
My theory is that my body has been shocked into radical evolutionary change by my recent habit of falling off my bike. Since bones break when you hit the pavement, I believe my body is slowly replacing them with masses of fat. Fat is capable of absorbing shocks than a more rigid structure. You never see a guy walking around with a cast because he broke his fat. Fat is some resilient stuff.
Maybe the next time I hit the pavement, I'll bounce. Perhaps I can adopt it as a race strategy, falling down at just the right time and bouncing over the pack like a Super Ball out of a gumball machine. Boooooingg. It would certainly add an interesting element to sprint finishes. Come to think of it, hill climbs would just be a matter of falling uphill. I think I could do that.
Man, I really just need to start dropping the weight..
I'm old, beat up, and weigh more than I have in almost a decade.
One of the components is a waist circumference measurement. I usually don't have any problem maxing out the score on it, but I'm the first to admit the standard is a little weak. Screw it, I didn't make the rules.
I weight 15 pounds more than I did last year when I tested. Granted, that was after riding around Mississippi, so I was lighter than normal back then. Still, I'm probably a good 10 above my usual weight this time of year. I didn't check my waist measurement beforehand, because I figured it wouldn't be absolutely horrible based on how my jeans fit. More importantly, I just didn't want to know. I have enough to regret as it is.
Last year my waist circumference was 34 inches. This year it was 33.5 inches. They used the same type of measuring tool (basically a spring-loaded tape measure) at the same point using the same testing protocol. Three separate measurements, with the tape removed and repositioned each time, each came out 33.5 inches.
How the hell is this possible?
I'm a middle aged man, and generally we carry extra weight around our midsections. Every time I gained a few pounds, that was the first place I'd notice it. The jeans would fit a little tighter, the roll at the side would be more pronounced, and then it would migrate to other parts of my body.
This time I have no idea where it's going. I know it's fat, because I'm eating far too much of all of the wrong things. Between injuries and illnesses, I'm not doing massive amounts of exercising. The weight is going up, but the waist isn't going out.
My theory is that my body has been shocked into radical evolutionary change by my recent habit of falling off my bike. Since bones break when you hit the pavement, I believe my body is slowly replacing them with masses of fat. Fat is capable of absorbing shocks than a more rigid structure. You never see a guy walking around with a cast because he broke his fat. Fat is some resilient stuff.
Maybe the next time I hit the pavement, I'll bounce. Perhaps I can adopt it as a race strategy, falling down at just the right time and bouncing over the pack like a Super Ball out of a gumball machine. Boooooingg. It would certainly add an interesting element to sprint finishes. Come to think of it, hill climbs would just be a matter of falling uphill. I think I could do that.
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